dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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