If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
