A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
