Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
