happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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