I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
