time to smoke my breakfast
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
