it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
