i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
