i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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