it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
