did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
