worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
