you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
"it" just moved
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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