My room smells like vodka and shame
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
