im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
stop calling my apartment porn island.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
NoShamevember. You game?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
