How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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