There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
