Those balls look pretty dangerous.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
