You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
