Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
