and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
