All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
