She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
