I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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