The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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