I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
