Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
okay pat passed out under dana's car
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
