what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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