We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
