you guys were way drunker than both of me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
