I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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