How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
