Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
