Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So here I am, sexting at work.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
