this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Randomize
