She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
