bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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