I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
worst night to have a conscience
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
