i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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