yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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