I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
