Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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