I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
