I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
