My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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