She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
