So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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