You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
