i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
